


Cherry Picking

by GothMoth



Series: Hoin' On The Side [3]
Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: Amity Park Is OBLIVOUS, Class Also Kinda Takes A Piss On Poor Ol' Danny, Class Debate, Comedy, Denial, Gen, One Very Frustrated Wes, Wes Is Having A BAD TIME, Wes Wants To Cry, danny's a little shit, debate, lots of yelling, not literally though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:33:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29949342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GothMoth/pseuds/GothMoth
Summary: The debate section of English should be Wes’s Dream come true, but it has instead become his nightmare
Series: Hoin' On The Side [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2199396
Comments: 10
Kudos: 109





	Cherry Picking

**Author's Note:**

> Side Hoes Week 2021 Day 3: Wes + Denial

And here we tune in to a sight that is all to common in Amity Park. Common because it is a sight of a site in conflict. At the centre of it all is not our titular hero but rather his one true nemesis, that one fucker who isn’t blind to the obvious and thus figured his shit. And, like a jackass, WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT. 

* * *

“Come on, seriously, just look at his hair. It is _exactly the same shape_ ”. 

Nathan shrugs and waves him off, “so’s yours”. 

“His is copy and paste the _exact fucking same_. And what about all the beakers he was breaking? They were literally _falling through his fingers_. Like, LITERALLY”. 

Star scoffs, “ever heard of clumsiness? And glass is clear so maybe you just _thought_ that’s what you saw. Really you should get glasses or something”. 

“My eyes are perfectly fine! And half the beakers are that textured foggy glass stuff, _not goddamn clea_ r”.

Valerie snickers, “look at Mr. Smarty, doesn’t even know what frosted glass is called”.

“My point still stands!”.

Star shrugs, “I still say you need glasses. Danny’s clumsy, not a ghost”.

“Oh yeah? what about his face shape? It is the GODDAMN SAME”.

Jasper rubs his chin, “dude, tons of people have the same face shape. His isn’t even an impressive or unique one”. 

“Oh come on! Dash! Yeah you! How the Hell have you _not_ seen Danny flashing his green angry eyes at you? He does it practically _once a weak for peat's sake_!”.

Dash shrugs, “I think it’s more likely you’re on drugs and seeing things. And seriously, Wes? Phantom can literally pick up and throw a _bus_. Do you really expect anyone to believe weak wimpy Fenton could do that?”. 

“He’s _a ghost_. He _has ectoplasm_. He doesn’t _need_ physical muscles! Besides! Danny _Fenton_ literally ripped off an entire door clean off its hinges!”.

Emilie waves him off, “eh the hinges were probably rusted and old. No way this school actually does upkeep on anything. Like, _at all._ There’s not even a good reason to do upkeep seeing as things get destroyed so often”. 

“He closed his locker so hard it caved in!”.

Emilie snickers, “I don’t know, aluminium is pretty easy to bend”. 

“You are impossible, the lockers _are not made of aluminum_. But fine. Okay. Whatever. Then how about the fact that Fenton and Phantom rhyme! Huh? What about that!”.

Jesse shrugs, “ever heard of coincidence? Plus Fenton rhymes with an absolute ton of shit. What are you going to claim that Fenton’s a hellion or a Breton cracker?”.

“Okay fine you might, _might_ , have a point there. But think about this. If any family was going to accidentally turn their child into a ghost, it would be the Fenton’s”.

Dale tilts his head, “dude that sounds more like you got it backwards. They _hate_ ghosts. They’d do everything to make sure their kids wouldn’t become ghosts. Not intentionally make one. That goth girl, Sam, would be more likely to make _herself_ a ghost. But well, Phantom ain’t no chic”. 

“You mean she would be likely to make _her best friend a ghost_!”.

Paulina huffs and rolls her eyes, leaning back in her chair and inspecting her nails, “did his parents do it or did his friends do it, make up your mind Wes. Besides, Fenton is nowhere near attractive”, sighing happily, “Phantom is the picture of handsome”. 

“They are the same person! And I didn’t say I knew _how_ he became a freaking ghost! I just know that he _is one_ because of this special little skill called _not being stupid_ -”.

Danny actually has the gaul to mutter, “yeah that would just about do it”, to the side. No one hears him.

“-and Phantom obviously learned to fight ghosts somewhere, from where is that somewhere? FROM HIS PARENTS AKA THE TOWNS GHOST HUNTERS! Gosh!”.

Valerie actually laughs at him, “Danny _Fenton_ doesn’t have a violent bone in his _very human body_ though. Ghosts, especially Phantom, are the textbook definition of highly violent and highly dangerous”. 

“You only say that because you hate Phantom and don’t want to admit you dated a dead guy!”.

Valerie chucks a textbook at him, “FUCK YOU!”. Making Lancer sigh, “language, Ms. Gray”. 

“Well I’m right you know!”.

Making Lancer sigh yet again, “yes well, while I can actually agree that Daniel’s parents have almost definitely taught him how to fight and hunt ghosts. Phantom is a hero, a vigilant, determined, and _timely_ , hero. I think Daniel Fenton’s tardiness and lack of effort speaks volumes about how much of those qualities he has”. Danny doesn’t even seem insulted by Lancer’s comment.

“He misses classes _because he’s fighting ghosts._ He doesn’t do his homework or study _because he’s fighting ghosts_. Him being a good hero or whatever is _why he sucks at school!_ Oh my god”. 

Mia snorts, “more like because he’s an idiot”. Lancer glares at her for that. 

“Have any of you actually _watched_ Phantom fight? The guy is a moron”.

Paulina jumps to Phantom’s defence immediately, “hey! No he’s not! No way anyone here could figure out strategies and find how best to beat villains like he does!”.

“Oh yeah? I can tell you two people”, pointing exaggeratedly at Danny, “his friends because they’re the ones who figure that stuff out. Phantom is just the heavy hitter!-”.

Danny mutters into his hand, “well at least someone acknowledges Sam and Tuck”, and predictably goes unheard again. 

“-and that’s not to mention that he has _FentonWorks tech_ to help him. How the Zone do you think he gets that stuff? How do you think he knows how to avoid getting hurt by that stuff? BECAUSE HE LIVES WITH IT!”. 

Star rolls her eyes, “more likely they threw it at him and he just keeps it. That and he’s _smart_ and thus _able to figure out what their stuff does_ ”, giggling, “doesn’t help that they name their stuff so obviously”. 

Danny blinks, “I hate how right that is”. This time being heard with multiple teens pointing at him with ‘see! Look! Confirmation!’ looks on their faces. 

“Oh and I guess he just stole a FentonWorks ghost hunter hazmat suit and then _died in it?_ Huh? Are you blind enough to believe that? Huh?! HUH!?!”. 

(Danny’s genuinely curious how someone’s going to explain away that one).

Jesse waves him off, “oh please, everyone knows the suit they made Fenton has his dad’s face on it”. 

Danny stares ahead like he’s having flashbacks, “we never speak of that”; earning a chorus of laughs. 

“That doesn’t mean he died in that one!”.

Ashley scoffs, “its just a skintight hazmat with a hood, you can get that from even a specialty sex shop”. 

The entire class pauses and Lancer quirks an eyebrow at her, “and _how_ do you know that, Ms. Smith?”. 

She shrugs, “my parents have worked some... interesting jobs”. Everyone just blinks at her slowly over that. 

“... well I doubt any place other than FentonWorks make ones that can withstand ectoblasts”. 

Valerie rolls her eyes, “he’s a _ghost_. Logic doesn’t apply. Do you think Jean overalls, like the Box Ghosts, can take ectoblasts without a single singe? What about Kitty’s _fishnet stockings_? What? do you think she died in fishnets made out of _Kevlar_?”.

“Fine. What about birthdays? They have _the same damn birthdays_ ”. 

Mikey actually puts up his hand before responding, “I have the same birthday as Elvis, does that mean I’m Elvis now?”. 

Emilie jumps in, “oh! And I have the same as Batman, so I guess-”, putting on a deep growling voice, “-I’m Batman”. Earning a round of laughs; Danny chokes. 

“I hate all of you”.

Danny snickers, “we hate you too, Wes”. 

“Oh go fully off yourself, Phantom”.

Danny shrugs, “naw, I’m good”.

“See! He admits it!”.

Danny just smirks more, “oh yeah totally”. While Valerie rolls her eyes, “he’s messing with you, with everyone. Messing with people is what Danny _does_ ”. 

“ _Because he’s a ghost_! Ghosts are tricksters by nature!”. 

Danny puts a hand to his chest, “I’m appalled, are you saying it would take dying to make me a funny pain in the butt?”. 

Dash snaps, “Fenturd ain’t funny. And besides, ghosts are scary. Fenton can’t do scary even if you smack him with it”, and grins meanly. Danny grumbles, reminded of the whole underwear eating incident. 

“And you think Phantom can??? He dressed up as a bedsheet last Halloween!”. 

Paulina scowls at him, “that was _funny_ , not scary. A ghost dressing up as a comical ghost? Funny”. Multiple teens nod at her, while Danny mumbles, “maybe I should wear a sign around my neck reading ‘ALIVE’ this year”.

“You’re impossible. Well what about why he’s in Amity? Why he stays here and protects here? Obvious answer is obvious. _HE LIVES HERE_!”. 

Dale shakes his head, “dude, he’s a hero. A _protector_. And we need protection. He followed the other ghosts here and just stayed because more ghosts just keep on showing up here. If another city had our ghost problem, he’d go there”. Which just gives Danny a mild crisis because what would he do if that _did happen_. He’s not that good at duplication damnit! 

“He’s only protective because this _is his home_ ”. Danny shakes his head subtly and seriously at Wes to tell the kid he’s got that one wrong. Earning a quiet muttered, “what the fuck”, from the wannabe sleuth. 

Mia scoffs, “I wouldn’t protect this place. Try again”. 

“Okay, what about his love of the stars? Fenton _and_ Phantom love them! Fenton even wanted to be an astronaut before he, you know, _DIED_ ”. 

Nathan pipes up, “but, um, who doesn’t? The stars are pretty neat”. Which Dash mutters, “whatever loser”, at; earning a glare from Lancer. 

“Alright fine, I’ll give you that one. But what about the fact that Phantom and Fenton are never in the same place but Fenton is _always_ around right before and after Phantom shows up? Huh? That literally _always_ happens. That is _not_ coincidence”. 

Star snaps, “says you”. Dash jumps in, “yeah and besides, when ghosts show up we _run_ instead of staring at Fenton, like you apparently do. What? You hiding a crush, Wes?”.

“No! I’m just gathering proof to connect the dots! And I have connected them!”.

Danny snickers, “you haven’t connected shit”, purely because it’s funny and he doesn’t care about Lancer’s glare. 

“I hate you”.

Danny just winks, earning a disgusted scowl. 

“I really really hate you”, looking back to the rest of the class, “what about the fact that Phantom is just the inverse of Fenton? Black hair to white? Pale to tan? Blue eyes to green?”.

The blonde-haired Brittney and the brunette-haired Chelsey glance at each other, “I guess we’re the same person now”, and hug comically. The two could be mistaken for twins after all, if you ignored hair colour. 

“That is not the same and you know it! Ghosts don’t look the same as when they were alive! Phantom just colour inverted!”.

Kwan points at him, “but you said they _are_ the same”.

“Ugh! Arguing with you people is like trying to drink quicksand!”.

Paulina hums, “then quit it and realise we’re not going to fall for your conspiracies”.

“No. I refuse. You people have just shoved your heads in the sand and are willingly in denial because you _don’t want it to be true._ But one day you’ll realise I was right all along and you’ll wish you had listened”. 

Danny blinks and mutters, “okay that sounds like you’re trying to ominously expose me as some kind of villain”. 

“You’re a _ghost_. I wouldn’t be surprised”.

Danny puts a hand to his chest, “okay ouch”. With Dash jumping right in, “as if Phantom would ever become some two-bit villain”. Danny points at the jock, “okay now I got to argue, because Phantom wouldn’t be a two-bit villain. He’d be a supervillain and we’d probably all be dead”. 

Valerie scoffs, “oh please, he’s not that strong”. Danny stares her dead in the eyes, “you underestimate him”. 

“Oh would you look at that. _Fenton_ knows things about _Phantom_ , almost like _he is Phantom_ ”. 

Star sighs, “Wes just give it a break already. He knows lots about ghosts and Phantom because he’s a Fenton”. 

“Do you think the Fenton’s actually _know_ a ton about ghosts? I mean really. The most they know is what bloody trigger button to push! I doubt they’ve ever even talked to one! So Danny, also A GHOST, knows more than them!”.

Danny points at Wes, “yeah my parents are kinda bigots, aren’t they”.

“SEE!”.

Mikey pushes up his glasses, “they’ve literally released scientific papers. They’re bigots yeah, but that’s due to biased interpretation, not a _lack_ of interpretation”. 

“Oh my god”, the entire class smirks as they watch him bang his head on the desk, “well what about Danny _Fenton’s_ vitals!?”, pointing at Valerie wildly, “you literally took them two days ago and wasn’t his heart rate freaking _two beats per minute?_ And he was cold as Hell? Do you seriously think he’s a freaking living human???”. 

(Holy Shit did that day stress Danny out). 

Valerie scoffs, “have you been inside the Fenton house -no offence Danny- that place is a literal nightmare. Half the food in the goddamn fridge is _sentient_ and will try to _kill you._ Danny’s been, like, eating ecto for _years_ , building up that kind of tolerance to death would _have_ to have some side effects”. 

Emilie sticks out her hands, “we hath truly discovered a mythical creature of unknowable power-”. 

“Please stop”.

“-immune to the most inedible of ectoplasmic beings. Able to devour them with his mighty teeth forged in the pits of Hell to be born in the mouth of a mortal child-“.

“Seriously. Oh my god”.

“-with stomach acid blessed by Hades himself to flow like the Styx river. The stomach lining crafted from a Hell Hound pelt...”. 

A solid ten minutes later Lancer finally stops the girl, Wes possibly has head trauma from how long he’s been smashing his head on his desk. “I hate to cut this off -I am making that your creative oral presentation and I’m giving you a solid ninety-two- but we are running out of class time”, looking to Wes, “so any other debate points you can think of? And just so you are aware, since none of your points really make logical sense or have real proof, you’re failing”.

“GAAAAAAAAH”.

Danny just snickers off to the side. 

“HIM EATING ECTO DIDN'T MAKE HIM KINDA DEAD! HIM BEING LITERALLY DEAD MADE HIM ABLE TO EAT ECTO!”, pausing and looking at Danny, “wait, _have_ you eaten ecto? Like, your whole life?”.

Danny snorts, “yup”. 

“Huh. That’s weird and doesn’t make sense”.

Danny chuckles and nods, “yeah, I should probably be dead”.

“YOU ARE DEAD!”.

Todd rolls his eyes, “hey moron, if he was then why the heck would he even be in school. I sure wouldn’t be if I was a ghost”. Lancer glares at Todd for that.

“Because he doesn’t want to give up his life, OBVIOUSLY! He has friends, unlike you Todd”. 

Star frowns, “okay that was just mean”.

“Oh I’ll show you mean, you cherry-picking, walking around with your eyes closed, blue pill picking, insensible clueless nimrodic, obsessively fond of some dead kid to the point of making yourselves blind oblivious bats with brains too busy play freaking bejewelled to think properly!”.

Danny shrugs, “bats are pretty cool, so thanks for the compliment”.

Jesse jumps in, “nimrodic isn’t a word”.

“I. HATE. ALL. OF. _YOU_ ”.

Danny smirks, “yeah yeah yeah, kissy face”. 

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH”. 

And the bell rings, resulting in Wes smashing his face on his desk one final time.

**End.**


End file.
